Apparently, Hurley is too.
"You know what dude? I'm gonna remember this. And someday you're gonna need my help and I'm telling you right now, you're not gettin' it."
Big hearted Hurley goes back on that threat as he frantically drives Sayid away from the dishwasher of death. His desperate attempts to belt the unconscious man into his seat cause him to momentarily lose control of the vehicle. A siren and lights signal that Hurley's in deep shih tzu.
When the cop slides up to the window, it's Ana Lucia!
She gives Hurley shih tzu for driving like a maniac while on the run from the law and then lectures him on how to stay safe and what he needs to do next. New clothes and drive casually to somewhere safe. Do not get arrested.
Ah, the irony gods are smiling. LOST's most famous DUI pulling someone over. Delicious.
"Oh, yeah. Libby says 'hi'." Double delicious.
Back on the beach, Rose and Bernard are trying to start a fire. Bernard is doing the bow method, while Rose is going for the more traditional two sticks method. Neil (Frogurt) stands back and questions why anyone would bother trying to light a fire in their present situation.
"Neil, we are trying to focus on what we can control. You're either going to help or be quiet."
Sawyer arrives on the beach, still looking for a shirt. He finds Neil's extra (doesn't Neil look good in his red shirt?) and takes it.
That's a nice shirt, Sawyer!
Sawyer checks with Juliet who is giving the Zodiac raft the once over. She figures they should try to get help by taking the raft into the shipping lanes, but Faraday (who has just returned from being "lost" in the jungle for two hours) tells her not to. He first has to calculate a new escape bearing and to do that he has to figure out where they are, or rather when they are.
Back in the world, Hurley stops at a gas station and finds a shirt that fits. A big yellow I heart Shih tzu tee shirt. That's good camouflage. The fact that "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick is playing on the store radio seems somehow...appropriate.
The clerk recognizes Hurley and when he tells her she's wrong, she calls him a liar.
"I...don't...believe in lying." Yeah, we know Hurley.
He tosses the money for the shirt and bolts from the store and a quick change later he's in the car and on the road. As he pulls out, a familiar car pulls in. It's Kate!
As she sits in the car, contemplating her next move, her phone rings. When she learns that the caller is in Los Angeles too, she sets up a meet, telling Aaron that they're going to see "a friend".
In their hotel, after retrieving a mysterious hidden package from one of the room's vents, Ben looks up to see Jack come in.
That's a nice shirt, Ben!
Ben informs Jack that he flushed his pills. Jack tries to cover his frustration by thanking Ben, but it's thinly veiled and neither man believes it. Ben instructs Jack to go home and pack whatever he wants to take with him, because he's never coming back to this life.
"Good."
Ben is going to take John's body somewhere safe. Jack is perplexed.
"Safe? He's dead. Isn't he?"
"I'll see you in six hours, Jack."
Ben, that's not an answer.
Elsewhere, Hurley's dad is sitting down to enjoy a caviar and cheese sandwich and some razzle-dazzle Expose action when he hears a knock at the door. It's Hurley, carrying Sayid on his back.
Some day, you're gonna need my help and I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna drag your barely breathing ass to the car, protect you from the cops, carry you to my parents house on my back and get you the medical help you need. But that's it! After that, I'm not helping.
Hurley explains to the caviar connoisseur the broad strokes of what's happened but before he can get into detail, another knock at the door interrupts. It's the cops!
Hey! Is that Abbadon?
No.
Hurley's dad gets rid of the cops and then comes back to Hurley for a better explanation.
"You killed three people?"
"No, Sayid did."
"Oh, well, that's better."
When he suggests that they should take Sayid to a hospital, Hurley is sure that's the worst thing they could do. Sayid does need a doctor though. Hmm. A doctor. Hmm.
Kate arrives at her meeting. The mysterious caller was...Sun!
Ben takes a number at a butcher shop. The lady behind the counter knows him. Ben needs her to watch what he has in his van and she assures him that he'll be safe with her. They discuss "the plan" and Ben reminds her that if she doesn't keep Locke safe, everything they're about to do will be for nothing.
On the beach, Bernard just about gets a fire going, but over enthusiastic blowing ruins everything. I'm fairly certain that this is the only time in history that over enthusiastic blowing has been a bad thing.
Charlotte brings Daniel a piece of fruit that she found in the jungle and then tells him that not only is her headache not going away, but suddenly she can't remember her mother's maiden name. Daniel looks concerned, but he assures her that it's just stress.
"Daniel, do you know what's happening to me."
Before he can answer, Miles returns with dinner. It's a boar he found dead in the jungle. When he asks for a knife, Neil, resplendent in his red shirt, goes off on a rant about how screwed they all are. First Sawyer, then Juliet try to calm him down, but he's wound up and he's off.
"How are any of us gonna get through this? Didn't you hear what I just said? We can't even get fire!" Like take out from the McIrony's, a flaming arrow hits Neil's red shirt right then.
Ironic fire arrow lonely. Ironic fire arrow need friends. Lots of friends. Ironic fire arrow's friends turn beach into sands of flaming death. Ironic fire arrow not lonely no more.
Ironic fire arrow and his friends send the survivors scattering into the jungle. Sawyer yells for everybody to get to the creek, but it's a pretty chaotic scene, so it's not likely his instructions got through to everyone.
Back at Hurley's house, Hugo notices the cops out front. His dad reminds him that it's pretty natural for them to stake out the house of a guy they think is crazy enough to have killed three people.
"I'm not crazy and I have a really good reason why I'm lying to you."
"Well, what is it?"
Yeah, I'd like to hear this explanation too.
Before Hurley can try to explain, a voice from downstairs interrupts.
"Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?"
Of course, Sayid is neither dead nor Pakistani. He's still breathing, but barely. Hurley and his dad launch into their plan. You're in good hands, Sayid.
As they struggle with Sayid, Hurley promises his mom that "Everything gonna make sense, I promise."
Yeah, I'd like to hear that too.
"It better."
I'll second that!
Kate and Sun share tea and baby pictures, before getting down to business. Sun asks Kate if she's alright and Kate reluctantly explains about the lawyers that came to her house. When she tells Sun that the lawyers wouldn't reveal who their client was, Sun figures that whoever it is isn't interested in exposing the Six and their lie, just in getting their hands on Aaron. Whoever it is, Sun suggests that Kate needs to "take care of them".
"Wouldn't you do anything you had to, in order to keep Aaron?"
"What kind of a person do you think I am?"
Sun flashes back to the day on the freighter. Including the moment when Jack stopped Kate from going in to get Jin and hustled her (and himself) back onto the chopper.
"The kind of person who makes hard decisions when she has to, like you did on the freighter. You told me to get on the helicopter and you said you'd get Jin."
"Sun, I hope you don't think..."
"But you did what you had to do. And if you hadn't, we probably all would have died instead of just my husband."
"I'm sorry, so sorry."
"I don't blame you." Hmm. I wonder who she does blame?
"So. How's Jack?"
Oh, yeah, that's what I think. The whole "lawyer at the door, just persistent enough to spook Kate into running, followed by a convenient coincidence of Sun being in L.A. at just the right time to give Kate somewhere to go to catch her breath" thing smacks of a plan. Sun is setting Kate up as her weapon to take out the two people she blames for her husband's death, Widmore and Jack. And if Kate happens to get caught in the crossfire that's not a tragedy either, since she was supposed to get Jin and didn't.
I'll put my money on the table RIGHT NOW and say that the last scene of the entire show will be Sun watching over her own child and Aaron as they play together, all of her enemies long dead and the island/Dharma/whatever firmly under her control. Maybe with Ben (who by then will be established as a hero of the tale) as her right hand guy.
Hurley's dad meets Jack in an underground parking lot and Jack decides that against Hurley's wishes, he's taking Sayid to the hospital. Hurley's dad might be comic relief, but he does get serious for a moment.
"With all due respect to you Dr. Sheppard, when this is over you're going to do something for me. Stay away from Hugo. Whatever it is you talked him into, something tells me you don't have his best interests at heart, so stay away from my son."
Jack rushes Sayid to his hospital and as he arrives, he calls Ben to let him know that Sayid was just dropped into his lap.
Hugo's mom wants to know what's going on and she knows her son well enough to be able to get him to talk.
"We lied ma."
"What do you mean you lied?"
"All of it. The Oceanic Six. We lied about what happened after the crash."
"And what did happen?"
"Okay. See we did crash. It was on this crazy island, and we waited for rescue and there wasn't any rescue and then there was a smoke monster and then there were other people on the island, we called them the Others, and they started attacking us and we found some hatches and there was a button you had to push every hundred and eight minutes or...well I was never really clear on that. But the Others didn't have anything to do with the hatches, that was the Dharma Initiative. They were all dead, the Others killed them and now they were trying to kill us. And then we teamed up with the Others because some worse people were coming on a freighter. Desmond's girlfriend's father sent them to kill us, so we stole their helicopter and we flew it to their freighter, but it blew up, and we couldn't go back to the island because it disappeared, so then we crashed into the ocean and we floated there for a while until a boat came and picked us up and by then there were six of us. That part was true. But the rest of the people? Who were on the plane? They're still on that island."
Ladies and gentlemen, I won't be recapping next week. I'd like you to meet my replacement, Hugo Reyes.
"I believe you. I don't understand you, but I believe you."
Whaddaya mean, you don't understand him. It's perfectly simple. Oh, wait. Never mind. Carry on.
"A lotta people died, ma. And now this bad stuff is happening because...well...we shouldn'ta lied."
Out in the jungle, Sawyer steps on a sharp stick as he and Juliet head to the creek to meet the rest of the survivors. They hear an unfamiliar noise and see three armed people go by as they hide in the underbrush. Sadly their hiding spot isn't all that good and someone hauls Juliet out of it by her hair.
It's...it's...it's someone we've never seen before. He's armed with a rifle, a name tag (Jones) and an English accent. He wants to know what Romeo and Juliet are doing on what he calls "Our" island.
Back in the world, Jack gets Sayid into a room and after hooking him to some oxygen and monitoring equipment, injects him with something that seems to have no effect. As he's looking into the unconscious man's eyes, the effect kicks in.
Auto-Iraqi Asphyxiation
(Yeah, I know I used it in the title, but I had to use it again. Can you blame me?)
As my good buddy Barnum said, when Jack was saying "Sayid it's me! Jack!" the scene would have been just that much better if Sayid had said "I know" and kept going. Sadly, no such luck.
Once Jack has Sayid calm, the first thing Sayid wants to know is where Hurley is. Jack explains that he's at his parents house, but instead of being relieved or even worried that Hurley has gone somewhere obvious, he's more concerned if anyone else knows where Hugo's gone to ground.
Like Ben.
As Hurley turns around, freshly nuked hot pocket in hand, Ben materializes in his kitchen. Hurley hurls the hot pocket, but misses the mark in his panic.
Even though Ben offers to take him to Sayid, who Ben claims (truthfully) is with Jack, Hurley remembers Sayid's advice.
"No. You're playing one of your mind games. They'd never trust you."
"In their defense, I'm not an easy person to trust. But they came around when they realized that we all want the same thing."
"And what's that?"
"To go back to the island. Come with us Hugo and this'll be over and you can stop worrying about the hiding and the deceptions. You won't ever have to lie again. Please. Let me help you."
"Never, dude."
Knowing that he has only one way to escape Ben, he runs out of the house, straight into the waiting arms of the law.
You're smiling smug now, but in about 8 seconds, you're going to remember that Ana Lucia said "Do not get arrested."
Soldier boy Jones wants to know what Sawyer and Juliet are doing there and he's prepared to cut off one of Juliet's hands to show Sawyer just how serious he is about getting answers.
My bet, by the uniform and the accent is that this is the deep past of the island, pre-Dharma, say during World War II, which makes it about the right vintage to be at the same time as Adam and Eve in the cave with the black and white stones.
Just as Juliet is about to get the newest Sawyer nickname, Lefty, a knife comes whizzing out of the jungle and takes out one of the soldiers. A quick fight ensues and the rescue is complete. Thanks, Locke.
A woman writes furiously on a chalk board, erases part of what she's written and replaces it. In the background a Foucault's Pendulum swings, leaving intersecting chalk marks on the floor as it passes. She moves to a computer and we see 10 spots marked in the Pacific Ocean with similar intersecting lines and the flashing heading "EVENT WINDOW DETERMINED".
She climbs some stairs into a chapel where Ben is waiting. It's Mrs. Hawking, she of the "look at the red shoes Desmond", who told Des that he must go back to the island to save everyone.
Gee, could it be that Daniel Faraday's mum is also a time travel physics whiz who can find the island too? Many people are saying "too easy, red herring", but remember, OBVIOUS ANSWERS. She's his mum and I'll bet a steak dinner on it.
She tells Ben that she's had luck and there's only 70 hours for him to do what he has to do. 70 hours isn't enough, he needs more time.
"What you need is irrelevant. 70 hours is what you've got."
"Look I lost Reyes tonight. So what happens if I can't get them all to come back?"
"Then, God help us all."
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